My Favourite Window

January 1, 2020

Are You Still Here?

I wrote the following as an exercise in January 2019, when I started on a new Computer Studies module...

I'm onto this I thought at the time. Well maybe I understand a bit more about computer 'stuff' but it's not helping me - nearly a year on - as I try to choose photos from my phone to use here. I still prefer to write blog posts on a Qwerty keyboard.

I opened my phone's gallery a couple of minutes ago to share a few pre-selected photos with myself and it emptied in front of my eyes. Okay. Choose a different path. Find my Google photos. There they are, but... they won't stop loading, scrolling, jiggling so that I can work with any one of them. Hey, I've only just seen that I can directly access my phone from here. That makes things easier.


I think I'm better off with nuts and bolts problems all the same. 


I've been planning this New Year post for a few days now. Since an Instagram friend commented that she had toyed with the idea of getting back to her blog lately I've remembered how Lady Mondegreen's Secret Garden fed me so much in the years after my husband's death. The link with the wider world was escapism I'm sure, but it satisfied a need. It also helped me hone my writing. 



Escapism and writing! In 2018 escapism was Morocco  - a week in Essaouira with my friend Claire Steele, on one of her Magical Journeys writing retreats. Out of that came a short story, Live Music Tonight, which was published in 2019 in this volume of work from twelve Magical Journeys' writers. If you are interested in supporting this venture - Me even - the book is available from Amazon via the Mardibooks website.

One of the main reasons I eased up on blogging and Internet use in general, was to free up time to work on my land, develop the garden I'd always dreamed about, and maybe make some progress with the Skudder House. I was also feeling stymied by changes to blog rules which meant I could no longer comment and engage on favourite sites. Everything is solvable but I didn't feel that was the best use of my time and energy. 


What I didn't realise until last year was that I have almost certainly been suffering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. It explains a lot. Probably from before Elwin died but heavily masked by bereavement and Earthquake PTSD it has meant I can't work full time. Remarkably, I can still work as a gardener but only if I break my day into roughly one hour and twenty minute slots with substantial rests or sleep in between. 


More than 3 1/2 hours and I risk crashing. A 'crash' can extend into the following day. Brain work - like writing this - is equally tiring. 
It is ironic that early on after Elwin's death I set things in place to allow for different income streams (I still sell vintage wares on Etsy) so that I could fit work on my property around those. 
This has proved useful but also time consuming and emotionally exhausting!


But Life isn't bad. In fact every single day I am grateful for so many joys, opportunities, people, and health improvements.



No promises then of more frequent blog posts but maybe, I'm prepared now to give blogging on my phone a go. 


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